Bay Ridge: Those two cops were not doing doughnuts in their car, nearly hitting kids on a ball field here, police Commish Kelly says. (Locals claim the opposite.) The car was parked on the grass, you see, and they skidded a little bit when they drove away. Well, okay, but … were they eating doughnuts? [NYDN via Curbed] Brooklyn Heights: The temporary "pop-up park," where the real Brooklyn Bridge Park will open next year, has been extended through September. You have a whole month more to commune with nature in this grassless, virtually treeless paradise! (But thanks for the yellow and blue umbrellas … they kinda look like, uh, flowers maybe?) [Brooklyn Heights Blog]
Chinatown: Architect I.M. Pei, who is 91 and hardly ever publicly accepts awards, will do just that in December when he's honored at the opening of the new, bigger Centre Street location of the Museum of Chinese in America. It got $2.2 million from the September 11 fund, Maya Lin designed it, and its view is protected by zoning laws! [Real Deal]

Bedford-Stuyvesant: On the hood's border with Bushwick, there are mysterious botanicas with signs half in Spanish and half in Creole (we think?) where no one ever seems to be working and where both Christian and Buddhist stuff is covered in dust. So cool and eclectic and random! [Bed-Stuy Banana]
Chelsea: It appears that the local community board voted down plans for a physically separated bike path on Eighth Avenue because one member thought it wasn't gay enough for this gayest of strips. If they designed the planter-barriers to look like Kylie Minogue and Jake Shears, would that convince you to protect bikers from truck death, you moron? [Streetsblog]
East Village: The new security booth at Stuy Town may be made of wood and classier-looking than the old one, but its visibility is kind of sucky and part of an overall decline in security here, contends this newish blog set on making life miserable for newish StuyTown owner Tishman Speyer. [Stuy Town Report]

Bedford Park: Here in the Bronx, a deli owner plans to get back at a Kennedy Fried Chicken whose sign has obscured his own by, uh, building a bigger sign that obscures the Kennedy sign. News you need to know! [Norwood News] Boerum Hill: The apparently mentally unstable homeless woman who poops on people's nice stoops — hence her nickname, "The Stoop Pooper" — is back. "Somebody should make a stink about this," one commenter writes … and no one even remarks upon the pun! [Brownstoner]
Brooklyn Heights: The city will follow up on raccoon sightings only if the animals appear to be rabid, but this one "seemed to be walking calmly down the sidewalk" on Hicks Street. Well, most raccoons agree that BH is a very soothing, centering neighborhood. [Brooklyn Heights Blog]

Bay Ridge: The "Bay Ridge Hum," a low-frequency buzzing that has terrorized and mystified the hood since 2005, seems to have stopped. Could it be because construction work at the Brooklyn Army Terminal is now completed? [Brooklyn Eagle via McBrooklyn]

Bensonhurst: After all these years in New York, how could we not have known there's an amusement park here called Adventurer's (formerly Nellie Bly) with a gay-rainbow-flag megaslide? We know what we're doing this weekend. (Not going here, ha-ha!) [Pistols and Popcorn]

Hunts Point: The South Bronx hood gets dissed by a blogger hating on Winona Ryder and her new boyfriend, Tom Green: "Like, if her old boyfriends were mostly prime New York real estate, Tom Green is a basement in the Hunts Point section of the Bronx." Winona, you need to fiercely team with SoBro queen Majora Carter and remove this blogger's hand with a samurai sword. [Popserious via Curbed]

City Island: If the Neptune Inn eatery here is indeed bulldozed, New York will lose the restaurant's beloved murals of the Twin Towers (which supernaturally began peeling right after 9/11!), the Virgin of Guadalupe, and some unidentified guy in a hat. And that would be a shame, because it's not like this isle of fried fish has its own Guggenheim or anything. [amNY]
East Village: Best Sentence Ever from this story on hood photographer Lorcan Otway: "Otway’s photos capture everything from the fast-action danger of a young man trying to resuscitate a friend who had overdosed on heroin … to a young 'crusty' woman, looking tenderly at her pet rat." Writer of that sentence, please don't tell us you laughed like we did when you wrote that. Earnest is better! [Villager via EV Grieve]
South Slope: Under an evergreen in front of a home on 12th Street is a "Retirement Home for Well-Loved Stuffies." Basically, it's a big, heartbreaking pile of discarded stuffed animals, kind of like the Island of Misfit Toys from the 1964 stop-motion TV classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. But this is real, and if you listen real hard around here at night, you can hear the stuffies weeping and moaning. [IMBY]

Chelsea: One Hundred Eleventh Avenue, Jean Nouvel's patchwork-paned condo tower, is nearly a year behind schedule and roughly $50 million over budget ... but the real news here is that Nouvel is a bald dead-ringer for our all-time favorite stage actress, Marian Seldes. Don't you think? [Curbed]
Kingsbridge: These three suuuuuuuuuper-cute kitties found in a Bronx garbage can need a home! Watch the video ... looks like the woman who found them (who's already full up with four cats) is part of the Bronx's first wave of hipsters. (She's not quite a scruffle, sorry.) [NY1 via West Bronx Blog]
Park Slope: The Babeland sex-toy shop that opened here recently, earning a scolding from right-wing group Focus on the Family for offering a baby-changing table, is doing well, and did you know that the proprietor refers to best-selling vibrators The Wand and Rabbit as "meat-and-potato" items? That conjures a gross image, but maybe it could be fun, right? Portnoy kinda did that, right? [NYO]

Brooklyn Heights: The gorgeous corner brownstone where Cher lived in the movie Moonstruck was finally sold, for $4 million. A family with young kids will live there, according to a nice old-lady neighbor who once was given a cup of coffee by Cher herself. [NYDN]
Chelsea: On Thursday, the Hotel Chelsea will honor Storme DeLarverie, a drag king who is a longtime resident and the only female member of the famous Jewel Box review. [Living With Legends]
Murray Hill: How often do graffiti artists specializing in phallic imagery quote Saint Teresa of Ávila? Also, how often are we truly reminded that, yes, death is a killer? Thanks, street artists, for always surprising us. [Newyorkshitty]

East Tremont: Ronney Vargas, an up-and-coming Bronx boxer, was shot dead after a dispute (over girls flirting with him) outside a bodega this weekend. Sad. What a shame. [NYDN via West Bronx Blog]
East Village: Ha-ha, have you guys seen the work of this artist Dan Witz, who paints optical illusions of, like, creatures trapped behind grates and then mounts them on the façades of "Ugly New Buildings"? You're gonna laugh probably! [EV Grieve]
Flatbush: Watch this funny video clip of two stand-ins for Blake Lively and Leighton Meester shoot a Gossip Girl fight scene between Blair and Serena, with this Victorian standing in for a house in the Hamptons. Half the hood turned out to watch the shoot! [Flatbush Vegan via Curbed]
Hudson Square: Someone is tagging "Rod Stuart [sic] Loves the Hamptons" all over the hood, including on ads for the latest American Apparel store, but we can't quite figure out why, and a quick Google search can't even confirm whether the tag's claim about the aging rocker is true. [Rod Stuart Loves the Hamptons via Curbed]

Clinton Hill: Hey, dude who goes around saying that his mother just had a stroke while driving and crashed the car, and so now you need emergency money for a tow truck: Up in the CH, they're onto your scam. They've even posted a picture of you. And you ain't even pretty! [Clinton Hill Blog]
Crown Heights: Meet two fun neighborhood gals: There's Tikeshia, who's lived here for twelve years and pays $864 for her one bedroom, and Katie, who's lived here since 2005 and pays $1,100 for her one bedroom. They've both got a lot to say about this largely Caribbean, inexorably gentrifying hood! [Brooklyn Based]
Greenpoint: Wow, look at all the different pretty colors and shapes of oil you can see floating atop Newtown Creek: "Loads of brown oil, frothy whitish, rainbow slicks." The vibrant diversity of these oil slicks reflects that of the population of surrounding Greenpoint! [Newyorkshitty]

Chelsea: A strip club named Sapphire, which bills its Vegas branch as the "Ritz-Carlton of Gentleman's Clubs," wants to open at 23rd Street and Eleventh Avenue, along with a boutique hotel, steakhouse, and other "varying themes to satisfy every indulgence." If this area has to become a sex district again, can it at least be the old, raunchy, downscale kind? [Metro]
Crown Heights: Once more, with feeling: Locals do not want a homeless shelter moving here, which it may. "Now that we can walk outside without getting shot, you've decided to throw sand back on our heads," a resident says. But as unpleasant as it is, sand on your head is not as bad as getting shot, right? [Gothamist]
Park Slope: Who is stealing all the copper pipes around here? [Gowanus Lounge]