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Newspaper Sorry for Suggesting That Undocumented Immigrants Are Going to Destroy White People's Thanksgiving

It's fitting that President Obama's decision to temporarily protect 5 million undocumented immigrants from deportation came just before Thanksgiving, which celebrates the generosity this country's original inhabitants showed to the undocumented immigrants who landed on their shores in 1620. Unfortunately, the connection was lost on Gary Varvel, an Indianapolis Star cartoonist who doesn't seem to like the idea of sharing anything with people who do not look like him.


University of Virigina Suspends All Frats After Disturbing Sexual Assault Story

Days after Rolling Stone published an article about the "administrative cover-up and apathy" that followed the brutal 2012 gang rape of a female student at UVA's Phi Kappa Psi frat house, school president Teresa A. Sullivan released a statement announcing the suspension of "all fraternal organizations and associated social activities" until next semester. She also urged the university community to cooperate with the Charlottesville police department's investigation of the case, which she requested in the wake of the Rolling Stone story. "We as a community must also do a systematic evaluation of our culture to ensure that one of our founding principles – the pursuit of truth – remains a pillar on which we can stand," Sullivan wrote. "There is no greater threat to honor than secrecy and indifference."

Grand Jury's Decision on Darren Wilson Is Coming Soon, But Not Yet [Updated]

As of Saturday afternoon, Ferguson (and the rest of the country) is still waiting to see if police officer Darren Wilson will face criminal charges in the shooting death of 18-year-old Mike Brown. A grand jury decision on the indictment seemed immanent on Friday, with local police officials and around 50 protest groups announcing that they'd agreed on some "rules of engagement" for demonstrations following the announcement, the FBI sending an additional 100 agents to the St. Louis area, prosecutors mentioning preparations for a press conference, and Eric Holder, President Obama, and Brown's family urging calm. But CNN is now reporting that the 12-person panel "did not reach a decision Friday and it was unclear when it would reconvene."

It looks like it won't be until Monday. »

Republican-Led Committee Fails to Uncover Benghazi Conspiracy

The Republican-led House Intelligence Committee sold out the United States' proud Benghazi truthers on Friday, when it released the results of a two-year investigation into the 2012 attack on the American diplomatic compound in Libya. According to the House panel, the U.S. military, the CIA, and the Obama administration responded "properly" to the assault, which left four Americans dead. In other words: there was no Benghazi scandal.


President Obama Is One of Two Americans Still Using a BlackBerry

The president confirmed that he still owns one of the all-but-forgotten smartphones on Friday, when he informed reporters watching him board Marine One that he had almost left his behind in the White House. This brings the number of current BlackBerry users we're aware of to two — the other one is, of course, Kim Kardashian, who called the device her "heart and soul" last month. Is this an extraordinary last-ditch marketing effort on the part of the BlackBerry's manufacturer, or just more proof that the Illuminati exists? Only time will tell.

Thieves in Guinea Probably Didn’t Mean to Steal a Bag Full of Ebola Blood

"No doubt they thought it was something else," said the Red Cross's Youssouf Traoré of the three men who stole a bunch of blood samples taken from suspected Ebola patients. The Associated Press reports that the thieves stopped a taxi carrying nine passengers — one of them a Red Cross courier — on a rural road in Ebola-ravaged Guinea and demanded that everyone hand over their cell phones, cash, jewelery, and, for some reason, the cooler bag containing the blood.


So, There Might Be a Rat Infestation at Vogue

Vogue's downtown migration to One World Trade Center was documented with military precision on Instagram. Models pitched in (though it must have been tough to get much done in a floor-length gown). helped schlep boxes, for some reason. Now the magazine is firmly established downtown, and amid the helicopter-assisted sunset vistas, it appears that there may also be a less picturesque facet to the new digs. Gawker is reporting that the offices are #blessed with a rat infestation. According to one of their sources, Anna Wintour has decreed that the staff  "must ensure that her personal office is rat-free before she enters it." Glamorous!

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